I’ve been single my whole life… Apart from a brief stint in Year 11, (If you don’t mind I won’t go into it too much, It was a messy break up on MSN) there’s been no one. Nout. Zero. Zilch. (I’m running out of ways to say nobody help me somebody) Zap, nuffin, numero zero, N. O. Body (Ok that’s me done.)
I’ve spent my whole adult life, single..
I’m glad you don’t have to apply for relationships. ‘Sir could you explain this 9 year gap?’ I would be in trouble. I haven’t even had any part time/casual work. I’ve been self employed my whole relationship career. I’m not gonna pretend that there hasn’t been a few brief spouts of excitement here and there, ‘Oh my gosh, Holly has liked 3 profile pics of mine in a row, I think i’m in boys!’ Or ‘Jennifer just asked me to go on Pointless with her, blatantly gonna nail her!’
Before in the olden days,I used to be bitter. I suppose I didn’t understand why I was in a continuing waiting mode for my babe. I used to get pissed of at Jesus and lash out at him ‘Jesus it’s not my fault you had no game, just because you never had a girl on the go don’t take it out on me!!! ‘ Jesus if you’re reading, that’s a joke, you’re great. I’m sure you could of pulled girls if you wanted too. After the water into wine episode I bet all the honeys were grinding up on you!
I would believe stupid lies, lies such as that ‘I just didn’t qualify for relationships’, ‘fanciable was something out my grasp, something unachievable. I would struggle seeing my friends find their true love, worse than that, ugly friends! ‘Acne Dave is hooking up with Kathy, as if!!’ I wasn’t losing out superstar studs, I was losing out to 4/10’s with acne. What was wrong with me? If I was a girl, I would wanna date me! Funny, kind, partial to a Mean Girls night, efficient in David Brent impressions..
Rob, you had me at hello…
But what I didn’t realise until my twenties is that singleness for me was actually a gift, and not a shit gift too. So many of my friends have launched into relationships and had their heart ran over and left by the side of the road. That has come at a cost for them. Their broken heart would then leak into all different pockets of their life It takes less work to protect something that’s whole than fix something that’s broken. . But for me, I still had mine untouched, unblemished, in simple terms, not F***ed with. I didn’t know how powerful this was. I could stand at the side of brokenness and view it from a place of wholeness. I had the advantage of knowing knew what healthy looked like. Purity comes with power!
Singleness has really helped me find contentment my own skin, I I’ve become at home with me. I really know myself you know. I am confident enough to walk with an independent spirit, not co-dependent on a relationship to fix anything.
When I eventually do find my bae, (trust me i’m not called to be one of them Cliff Richard celibate types) that beautiful thing it it will come from a pure heart. It’s my biggest dream to have a family. i long to be a Dad, to have a wife. I would totally have kids now if it was biologically possible. Just getting one of them ‘baby on board’ TFL badges would make the whole process worth it. Singleness has helped me become more comfortable to with the ‘Not yets’ in my life. Not just a girlfriend, but other dreams in other areas as well. Me and the ‘Not yets’ are cool now. We used to hate each other, but now we can appreciate each other.
Thanks for reading, you might think this is just a sob story, well you’d be right. I’m going to make a book out of this stuff!
Rob Morgan: The Vagina Void Vol 1 – Available at most retailers.