5 Churchill Quotes That Usually Make Me Self-Combust

Over the past few years I’ve began to fall in love with Winst. He’s brilliant isn’t he,  why haven’t they written him into The Bible yet? Even just a little ‘What was that Winston!??’ section half way through the book of Leviticus. A few quotes, some anecdotes, obviously the Tommy gun pic, it would be more than a nice break..

Anyway here are my 5 favourite gems of his..

1) ‘Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.’

Classic.

2) ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going.’

Classic.

3) ‘You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.’

Absolute classic.

4) ‘A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.’

Ahhhh CLASSSSIC.

5)’I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.’

****%&&^^%%%$$$$ CLASSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!

 

That road at  the top of the page  is very significant in Churchill’s life and ultimately means absolutely everything in this post.

5 Things I Learnt Breaking Up With Facebook

After a 7 year relationship since school, me and my digital bae Facebook decided to take a break and see other people for a year. It’s cool, no need for the scented candles  and that midget size Ferrer Roche starter pack, we left it on good terms. .

It was pretty unhealthy if i’m honest, she was a bit of a control freak. I would have to see her like everyday!! Then when we did hang out, she would just talk about obscure high school friends that recently passed their driving theory test or finished Manchester Met with a 2:1, it was weird. We decided to take a  break, this is what happened.

1)  I realized I didn’t actually need many friends

It was intriguing to see what relationships would stick and which ones were just for the internet. No prizes for guessing that their was a big drop off.. (Genuinely, will try and get prizes for next time)  To be honest I realized people don’t really need that many friends, just good ones. 5 rich relationships is way better than a hundred skint ones on benefits.

2) Less noise

Not scrolling through a million other voices each day helped me to actually think and have less mental real estate clogging me up. I could focus more without being constantly distracted with invites to my 2nd cousin’s latest Deathcore band gig.

(Side note: The Black Dark Death are playing London soon, tickets available via website)

3) I stopped comparing my behind the scenes with people’s highlight reel

Facebook only really shows  everyone’s highlights, it’s our very  own Match of the Day,  just with less completed pass statistics. Someone said (Not me, probably one of them la la spiritual woozies) ‘Stop comparing your behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reel.’ Comparison usually offers nothing, it rarely adds or helps.  Sort of like that fatty in the school football team who’s only there because his Dad’s on the PTA board.

4) I Became more present

‘Being present’ has made it into that ‘ Talking Christian/Spiritual for dummies’ phrase book now. It’s becoming the ‘one to watch’ of the buzz word community. Genuinely though, I found it nice when I could sit down with a friend and not have them push notifications being you know, all pushy. These days you are competing with a thousand options all at one time, all probably better than your mate talking about her swollen verruca, but you get better returns on things when you fully invest. (Carol you should get that thing checked out.)

5) Less scared of missing out

The final inspirational motivational point is that I just basically became less bothered. I didn’t care if I wasn’t invited to the cool gathering, I didn’t care if I missed the hip industry party. (Customer Service assistants throw the best ones!) I just didn’t care. I just became more at home in my own. (If that even makes sense.) I did miss a girl 2 years below me at school’s Zumba launch party. Only a handful of regrets, that has to be one of them..

 

Me and FB did eventually get back together.. This time on different terms. I don’t let her control me like she used too.  Anybody else who is with her (I know she gets around ALOT) I  advise taking a break for a bit, maybe even call it quits for good.

P.S Facebook make it so hard to actually fully delete your account!  I suggest hiring a lawyer and be able to present a full  CRB check completed in the last 5 years.

To people in your 20s – YOU ARE NOT OLD

Rowling started at 33

Gervais started a 38

Christ started at 30.

 

Me – Starting at some point…

 

20s I love you, but you’re a bit of a cockney rascal aren’t you let’s be honest. 20s friends, it feels like we should be on our way now doesn’t it. We should have our pension plan sorted, our progression plan memorised, that pink Smith’s ring binder full of potential baby names.  Obviously I have all of them things, but this might help some of you not so great ones..

(Side note: When I say 20s, I mean ages between 20 and 29, forgive me I use a lot of contemporary buzz words.)

We live in a fast food culture where needs are a click way. We have instant access to news, movies, gentle foreplay (I love Christian Mingle.) Our culture celebrates the young Mark Zukerbergs and Evan Spiegels who conquered their dreams in pre-school, so much so we begin to think that’s the standard. If we haven’t ‘done anything’ by 25, suddenly we put ourselves on an E4 countdown of ‘Top 100 Biggest Absolute Definite Losers.’

I think it’s sad we don’t look forward to getting older anymore. Birthday Parties have just become the birthday boy/girl/pet drunkenly complaining how old they are, whilst they spill Jamesons and Coke down my favourite Debenhams crew cut. (Please pace yourself next time Sally, Debenhams are not your ‘cheap and easy’ retailer.) I am beginning to enjoy growing older, I mean you know yourself better, you’ve had more experiences and you start viewing life through more of a mature lens (I did try telling this to Sally, she just made that weird drunk gargling sound.)

To people in their 20s who are anxious that they haven’t ‘done anything’ with their life. (Again completely not relevant to me… this is just a trend i’ve observed.) Instead of always looking at the map wondering if you’re going the right way, maybe just enjoy the journey. (NOOOOOOO  anything but ‘enjoy the journey’ Rob.)

Ok let’s put it in produce terms, what i’m saying is that there isn’t a best before date on where you want to go (Ok maybe if you want to be under 11’s UK karate champion, that boat might of sailed.) But wherever you are at the moment, I ask you to remember that 20s is young, you’re not on borrowed time, you’re doing just fine..

Besides who wants a Smith’s pink ring binder at this age anyway..

 

P.S Who loves the random inspirational rock at the top? Definitely adds to the post..

Rob

Come in, take your shoes off..

Hello friends,

So I thought I would have a place where I could put my thoughts on life, faith, and obscure TV personalities (mainly geared around the latter if i’m honest.)

After people see this, I get it,  it’ll probably kick off and they’ll want me to be a guest on The Big Questions with Nicky Campbell. As I deal out truth bomb after truth bomb you’ll all realise that I’m pretty much Ghandi who’s done a creative writing course.

But genuinely though, this will just be a place where I vomit up what’s in my brain.

I hope you enjoy whatever’s about to spew out.

 

Upcoming posts.

  •  5 life lessons I learnt from Derek Acorah
  • 27 Facts about Jeff Brazier that will blow your mind.
  • Nick Knowles smells.

 

Thanks for watching.

 

 

 

 

5 Sitcoms That Will Improve Your Life

I love comedy, especially sitcoms.

In no particular order here are some sitcoms that have improved my life greatly, I hope they improve yours too.

5) The Thick Of It

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Not only satartising the UK goverment, The Thick Of It presents the best in creative swearing you’ll ever see.

Life improvement score:  7.5/10

 

4) Extras

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This show is almost too prophetic. ‘When The Whistle Blows’ wouldn’t seem out of place on the current BBC 1 roster. I love that Merchant gets the recognition he deserves in this, showing it’s an equal partnership and he can more than match Gervais. Barry is also a great asset, his and Steve’s exchanges are the heart beat of the show, much more than all the A lister appearences.

Life improvement score 8.1/10

3) I’m Alan Partridge

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Alan is one of them super powers of British Comedy. He is a machine. He’s intense. So much so, after half hour I need a break from him. The ‘getting Bond wrong scene’ is the closest I think i’ll ever feel to complete happiness.

Life improvement score 9.2/10

2) Curb Your Enthusiam

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Effortless. Larry David is a genius. This is all I have to say on the matter.

Life improvement score: 8.7

1) The Office

I hear you squark ‘ Well which one Rob!’ For me there’s only one.

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Undoubtedly the best, the absolute best. I have good friends who are friends only because The Office exists. It changed the genre and inspired my generation to do their best Brent impression (guilty.) For me, this is the bar, this shows how good comedy can be.
What people don’t realise is that for a pair of newbies, Gervais and Merchant were extremely ruthless in how they didn’t compramise with the BBC. To be given free creative roam with no experience was and still is unheard of.

Thank you Ricky and Steve, you had me at ‘I don’t give shitty jobs.’

Life improvement score: LIFE COMPLETED