Fear Is A Fraud

I’ll give it to him, fear is innovative, creative, imaginative, but he’s a lousy friend.

Me and him still meet up frequently, out of tradition more than anything. I bring the Merlot, he brings the dismay. I’m learning to treat him more like that blonde kid at school with the prescribed eye patch, who insists he’s got a roller coaster in his back garden.

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” – Mark Twain

I mean this is what fear promised me this year alone!

• 5 London terrorist attacks
•  2 Commercial airline crashes
• 1 Brain tumor diagnosis
•  2 Cardiac arrests
• Aqquiring both type A and B diabetes
• 87 car crashes
• Both parents dying on me
• 8 Brutal muggings
• 1 Rare blood disease
• 3 Delicate avocado scenarios
• 12 Clothes horse incidents

As you can see that’s a lot of stuff to pack in, scheduling this has been a complete nightmare. (Hallelujah for ical!) I’ve blocked out half a year for the clothes horse incidents alone,  people just don’t get back up from them kind of things.

Obviously that list is somewhat exaggerated, but some of these things I was actually sold on! Let me be clear, I am not naive to the horrific things that happen in this world, but fear is tragedy’s PR man. It tries to persuade us that tragedy’s mainstream. Well it’s not, it’s still very much on an indie label, probably with some mediocre folk bands.

Fear is convincing, persuasive, and sometimes my whole physical being is sold on his fiction. But just remember fear is a blab whore who lusts after attention, governing people with it’s diarrhoea speech. It is very bad at predicting the future, and will never make it in the fortune telling industry.

To this day I’ve still not seen his rollercoaster.